Write in the Kisser

Those who know me say they wish they didn’t. However, if questioned a little more specifically, they also say that, as a musician, I make a wonderful grilled cheese. I’m not really sure what they mean by that, but more importantly, I don’t really care. It is with this same egocentric indifference to the valid opinions of others that I am proud to bring you the world premiere of my brand new holiday-themed single, Bunny Hopped in the Kitchen.

Before you click, allow me to emphasize once again how good my grilled cheeses are. Also, I would like to take this time to extend many profound apologies to Charlie Daniels. May your lawyers never sue me for blatant copyright infringement. Or, if they do, may they at least mention the name of my weg multiple times during a widely televised public trial.

For posterity’s sake (that needy bitch), I’ve also taken the liberty of publishing the lyrics below. Feel free to sing along.

* * *

BUNNY HOPPED IN THE KITCHEN

[Instrumental intro]

Bunny hopped in the kitchen. He was lookin’ for some eggs to hide
Like he’d promised the kids, so he opened the fridge and found about a dozen inside.
He colored ‘em up with some pretty paints—blue and purple and pink.
Then he grabbed a scotch and he poured a shot (’cause that bunny, he liked to drink).

You can probably guess what happened next, but for those without a clue:
That bunny got trashed, totally smashed, and soon the eggs did too.
When the bunny sobered up he cried, “Oh lord what have I done?
“Those broken eggs will lead to broken hearts out in the sun!

“I’ve gotta fix this mess up right to save the children’s Easter.”
And that’s when the bunny called me up to save his furry keister.

“Trevor help me! I’m in deep and I don’t know where to turn.
“And if I ruin this holy day, well I will surely burn.
“There’s gotta be a good way out, but I have racked my brain,
“And without some help I fear my foot will end up on a chain!”

[Instrumental break]

I looked that bunny in the eye and said: “Now listen here.
“You take those doubts and stick ‘em deep down your floppy ear!
“I’ve got a plan that’s bound to work. This I promise you.”
And that’s when I pulled out my book: How to Make Rabbit Stew.

[Instrumental break]

The bunny looked at me with dread and squeaked, “Hey what’s the deal?!”
I said “I’m sorry but I can’t pass up this extra value meal.”

Fire in the oven. Baste boys, baste!
Bunny’s in the pot. Do you wanna taste?
Chicken ain’t enough but looky there.
I do believe that’s a giant hare!

[Instrumental break]

The bunny tried to beg me one last time by asking what
He could do to save his life and stay out of my gut.
I said, “Bunny I will spare your bod from being sliced and diced.
“If you can tell me what a bunny’s got to do with Jesus Christ!”

There’s a Fire in the oven. Baste boys, baste!
Bunny’s in the pot. Do you wanna taste?
Chicken ain’t enough but looky there.
I do believe that’s a giant hare!

[Instrumental close]